Fuck That Noise: Real Issues, Bitches

A few months ago, I had a eureka moment; pizza is nothing more than pasta ingredients on stretched dough. So when I see a recipe for lemon asparagus pasta, I think to myself "That's just noise. Put that shit on a pizza." So in the spirit of fucking that noise, I decided to make a lemon asparagus pizza with yellow peppers and red onions. Can you say bomb? No? Then you have no business eating my pizza.

The first step of any recipe that calls for asparagus is to break off the woody ends. It's really easy to do, you just hold it by the end and bend. It'll snap at the point when the vegetable transitions from woody base to delicious stem. For the pizza, I thinly sliced the asparagus into close-to-bite-sized pieces.

I adore yellow peppers and they add a nice sweetness to this recipe. I cut them in half and then sliced them like so. Reject pieces were eaten with delicious glee.

Red onions were an experiment for this. I cut them in shorter slices, but don't know if I'll use them again. They added an acidity that I don't think lended well to the flavor profile. Shit, don't I sound fuckin' fancy?!

Now for the lemons. This is really the most important part of the dish. It makes for a great summer dish that's light yet bold. Again, fancy britches. Anyways, I grated lemon peel and then mixed it into sour cream with some thyme. You should try pairing lemon and thyme. Don't ask questions. Just do what I say. I promise not to steer you wrong. Or I will and you should take pictures because misfortune is hilarious for those not sharing the experience.

I am such a good person.

I foolishly didn't take pictures while assembling the pizza and no, I didn't make the pizza dough. What can I say, even I get lazy sometimes. After working the dough into the right size, I spread the sour cream/thyme/lemon zest concoction as a base sauce. I then layered the vegetable medley on it, followed by goat cheese (heaven) and thin lemon slices. The latter is more for aesthetic. The argument could be made that biting into the lemon slices is overpowering. Those who make such an argument should grow some balls and eat it like a man.

Bake the pizza for about 30 minutes or until the crust starts to brown. It should look like this:

Yummy! This pairs really well with salad, wine, and good friends. But first you should set the table like a boss. 

Here are examples of the other wonderful things I just mentioned:

Friendly friends!

Salad and wine for my bitches!

The title of this post implies real issues were discussed. This included items such as constipation, the minutiae of yolo, creating the IOF acronym for I'm On Fire, high school band, and tv shows. Most importantly, the night included the statement "I don't want to drink Metamucil!"

I love my friends.

Unfortunately, it'll be a couple of weeks before my next post. I am going out of town next week and won't be home until August 11. I will try to post something while I'm away, but this woman doesn't make promises she can't keep unless such a promise leads to free food or alcohol. In that case, I will lie through my teeth.