Fuck That Noise: Real Issues, Bitches

A few months ago, I had a eureka moment; pizza is nothing more than pasta ingredients on stretched dough. So when I see a recipe for lemon asparagus pasta, I think to myself "That's just noise. Put that shit on a pizza." So in the spirit of fucking that noise, I decided to make a lemon asparagus pizza with yellow peppers and red onions. Can you say bomb? No? Then you have no business eating my pizza.

The first step of any recipe that calls for asparagus is to break off the woody ends. It's really easy to do, you just hold it by the end and bend. It'll snap at the point when the vegetable transitions from woody base to delicious stem. For the pizza, I thinly sliced the asparagus into close-to-bite-sized pieces.

I adore yellow peppers and they add a nice sweetness to this recipe. I cut them in half and then sliced them like so. Reject pieces were eaten with delicious glee.

Red onions were an experiment for this. I cut them in shorter slices, but don't know if I'll use them again. They added an acidity that I don't think lended well to the flavor profile. Shit, don't I sound fuckin' fancy?!

Now for the lemons. This is really the most important part of the dish. It makes for a great summer dish that's light yet bold. Again, fancy britches. Anyways, I grated lemon peel and then mixed it into sour cream with some thyme. You should try pairing lemon and thyme. Don't ask questions. Just do what I say. I promise not to steer you wrong. Or I will and you should take pictures because misfortune is hilarious for those not sharing the experience.

I am such a good person.

I foolishly didn't take pictures while assembling the pizza and no, I didn't make the pizza dough. What can I say, even I get lazy sometimes. After working the dough into the right size, I spread the sour cream/thyme/lemon zest concoction as a base sauce. I then layered the vegetable medley on it, followed by goat cheese (heaven) and thin lemon slices. The latter is more for aesthetic. The argument could be made that biting into the lemon slices is overpowering. Those who make such an argument should grow some balls and eat it like a man.

Bake the pizza for about 30 minutes or until the crust starts to brown. It should look like this:

Yummy! This pairs really well with salad, wine, and good friends. But first you should set the table like a boss. 

Here are examples of the other wonderful things I just mentioned:

Friendly friends!

Salad and wine for my bitches!

The title of this post implies real issues were discussed. This included items such as constipation, the minutiae of yolo, creating the IOF acronym for I'm On Fire, high school band, and tv shows. Most importantly, the night included the statement "I don't want to drink Metamucil!"

I love my friends.

Unfortunately, it'll be a couple of weeks before my next post. I am going out of town next week and won't be home until August 11. I will try to post something while I'm away, but this woman doesn't make promises she can't keep unless such a promise leads to free food or alcohol. In that case, I will lie through my teeth.

"My Name is Fayana and I Approve These Pancakes"

I'm BAAAAAAAACK! It's been almost two years since my last post, so I expect to head internet echoes to this post and can't fault a person for it. It's been a hell of a time. I've had love. I've had loss. Work was unbelievably difficult, but I kicked ass, took some names, and am now wonderfully acclimated to my Detroit life. What better way to celebrate the D than to make pancakes with two of my favourite people?!

I got this recipe from a dear friend's mother. It's about 120 years old will ruin Bisquick for you. Forever. The recipe is surprisingly simple and doesn't require dirtying many dishes. You start with 2.5 cups of sifted flour, salt, sugar, baking powder, and baking soda. No surprise that it looks like this:

You then melt four tablespoons of butter and let it cool to room temperature, which doesn't take long in 80 degree weather. Once cooled, you work that into the dry ingredients and let it rise for ten minutes.

The beer, though not part of the recipe, is necessary in order to properly appreciate the subtleties of homemade pancakes.

The only logical thing to do next is to start cooking the damn things. Oil up a cast-iron skillet - only fools would use anything else - and add the best fruit ever produced by the spectacular planet called earth: BLUEBERRIES MOTHER FUCKER! 

Some people make the mistake of putting extra ingredients directly into the batter. As with all cakes, this will result in a pile of blueberries, walnuts, chocolate chips, or any other heavy delicious thing to sink to the bottom. No one wants that so you should never do it. Okay? Do you understand this? No? Well, simpleton, just put the added ingredient(s) onto the top of the pancake after spooning it into the pan.

This is not a difficult concept to grasp.

Now I am somewhat ashamed to admit this, but this was the first time I ever made pancakes in my entire life. Seriously. The thought never occurred to me to try. What can I say? I'm a fool. Regardless of it being my first time, they turned out beautifully. They were think, fluffy, and held together well when drowned in syrup.

Delicious evidence.

It went over well with the company too.

Anyways, it's good to be back sweet bloggy internets. There will be more to come and if anyone would like to join me for one of my blog-oriented creations, don't hesitate to pop on by. You can also suggest dishes for me to try, baked or otherwise, in my comments section. Ciao for now!