Hold.
Now out through the mouth.
The prodigal baker returns, internet and stories in tow. I acknowledge it has been a very, very long time and I expect that there is a desire to see what I've been baking these past few months. You must, however, wait because I have a rant that will shed some light on why my few weeks of internetless life became nearly 4 solid months...
It all began with a move into a house. My boyfriend and I took a relatively big leap and decided to rent a house instead of a larger apartment. We found a beautiful home in a wonderful part of town.
We moved in shortly after signing our lease and I began my research of internet and home phone options. This decision was an important one because I was obsessed with being able to use my refurbished rotary phone and, since I had been stealing internet before, I would have to begrudgingly purchase the service in our new home. After many days of research, I decided AT&T was the best choice for the money.I soon would learn that I was an uneducated fool with an ass for a brain.
I called and set up my service on April 21st and everything went swimmingly. Of course it did, I was a new sale. I ordered my telephone and DSL service, with a free modem/wireless router combo in the mail. Upon receiving my world wide web package, I quickly went to set up my new telecommunications device.
Let's just say it didn't work. Nothing worked. No dial tone on my phone and nothing happening with the modem/router. So I call AT&T...at 10pm at night.
Anyone who lives in the US knows why I shouldn't have done that.
applied to your account, which will happen tomorrow, and then report the problems in your service." I did as they asked.
It is at this point that I should mention that I spent 1.5 years working in call centers. I am familiar with efficient, informative systems and terrible systems. Many people who call these centers do not realize that the incompetence of the person on the other line might have nothing to do with their intelligence, but instead with the resources or lack thereof that the company has provided them.
After 4 days and literally dozens of phone calls with no consistent information regarding my simple questions, I canceled my service with AT&T. You may think to yourself that this would explain, at most, maybe 2 weeks of internetless life. You're wrong and you're wrong because AT&T, should it be a person, would more than deserve being set ablaze.
After my run-in with the monopolizing corporation, I looked for a local company to provide me with my internet and home phone service. I found a great one right here in town and they had my request submitted with 15 minutes of the call. The problem, though, is that AT&T has a monopoly on the telephone lines (again) and the local company had to literally lease the use of the telephone lines from the multinational corporation. Frustrating, yet simple, right?
Nope. Because I had recently been an AT&T customer, the local company was unable to get permission to use the lines. Despite having canceled my service, AT&T had yet to process the cancellation. So we waited...then we tried again...to find the same response.
At this point I called AT&T and donated some rage. Like so many of my calls with them, the individual on the phone was kind and sincerely wanted to help me. The problem, however, is that within the same god damn call I would speak with multiple people who would all either tell me different things or not know how to access the right information. In one call, I was told I owed them over $150, even though services were not rendered, and another person told me I had a credit on my account, even though I had not paid them anything. This is how AT&T works, like a pot head roommate who doesn't remember shit and so they just make stuff up.
To make what is already a long story short, let me say that this went on until early July until I finally had to give up on my wonderfully helpful and patient local company. I am now a Comcast customer and remain so for one year until my contract expires. At that time, I will return to my local company, assuming that AT&T hasn't bought them out.
So, Nasty, what did you do with your time while you were unable to search the 'web.' Well, readers, I fucking baked!
- triple fudge cookies
- lemon meringue
- apple pie
- tres leche
- Mexican coffee popsicles
- blackberry cobbler
- strawberry rhubarb dessert
- dairy-free peach cobbler
- strawberry summer cake with barley flour
- regular peach cobbler
- strawberry rhubarb pie
- baked alaska
- strawberry compote
- Boston cream pie
- French silk pie
- German pancakes
My neighbor at my old apartment was having a hard time and wanted chocolate. I had chocolate chips and cocoa powder so I figured I would assault him with both. I began by doing what every baker does and mixed the dry ingredients.
Pretty normal so far. I then mixed the wet ingredients together, then mixed the dry and wet to make what seemed like a strangely dry, thick dough. I then had to reread the recipe because it called for making logs of the dough, wrapping them in seran wrap, and chilling overnight.
Ok, but...
it looks
like
shit.
I swear this was not intentional. It really did just turn out this way, though not to my disappointment. So I did as instructed and wrapped them up.
Appetizing, right?
The next day I cut these pieces of crap into little disks and arranged them on the appropriate cookie sheet.
I still had hope at this point, but it was foolish on my part. They were very dry and disappointing to eat. After munching on a few, I opted for a nap.
Now you know what I look like...a sleepy blond.
